James, a bondservent of God and of our Lord Jesus Christ, To the twelve tribes which are scattered abroad:
Greetings.
My brethren, count it all joy when you fall into various trials, knowing that the testing of your faith produces patience. But let patience have its perfect work, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking nothing. If any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask of God, who gives to all liberally and without reproach, and it will be given to him. But let him ask in faith, with no doubting, for he who doubts is like a wave of the sea driven and tossed by the wind. For let not that man suppose that he will receive anything from the Lord; he is a double-minded man, unstable in all his ways.
-James 1:1-8, NKJV
In our personal walk with Christ we will most assuredly run into problems, trials and frustrations. When a man and woman become husband and wife, this situation may not change much, except that you are no longer facing life’s problems alone. But before we go too far, we need to make sure we understand the above passage.
We’re going to start somewhat in the middle of the passage and work toward both ends. Don’t worry, you’ll see why in a minute. The word ‘faith’ is mentioned twice in this passage, once in conjunction with ‘patience’, and once in conjunction with ‘doubting’. The first one; “…the testing of your faith produces patience.”, sounds redundant. Aren’t ‘faith’ and ‘patience’ about the same? No, they are not, but they do work ‘hand in hand’.
Faith is ‘directional’, in that it can be pointed at, or toward, whatever you wish. For example; you have faith in your car to get you where you want to go.(until it breaks down) The mechanic who fixes your car. (until you see the bill!) Your job, wife, bank, own abilities, etc.. You can point your faith at any of these items, and exercise your faith in them. In the context of the above passage, James is directing his readers to point their faith ‘at’ and ‘in’ God “…when you fall into various trials, knowing that the testing of your faith (in God’s ability to get you through the problem) produces patience.” (in letting God solve the problem in His time.) This kind of faith does not come naturally. It is learned through time and patience.
‘Patience’, is that stuff everybody says we need to have but none of us have the time to get, because we’re too busy trying to get what we think God forgot to get us, so we went out and found it by ourselves, but it wasn’t the right thing so now we’re upset with God for not getting whatever it was we wanted in the first place ‘cause He was too slow in answering our prayer! (Yes, it’s run on sentence, and no, I won’t repeat it!)
Simply put, patience is ‘waiting’, period! When we exercise our patience and allow God to bring about His will in our life, it strengthens our faith in Him and the understanding that ‘He is real and His Word is true.’ He will supply our needs as He promised, but we must learn to be patient and get out of His way. The answer will come in His time.
But let him ask in faith, with no doubting, for he who doubts is like a wave of the sea driven and tossed by the wind. For let not that man suppose that he will receive anything from the Lord; he is a double-minded man, unstable in all his ways.
-James 1:6-7
Doubt is the ‘acid’ that eats away at our faith in God and erodes our ability to wait patiently for God’s providing for our needs. It is also one of Satan’s weapons that urges us to go out on our own and solve our problems without God. It is a subtle yet deadly dart. Stay clear of it!
So, what does all this have to do with “Growing Together”? A great deal indeed. So much so that you will find yourself proving these few verses many times over as you walk together through good times and bad, sickness and health, richer or poorer. As you grow together each day you will be called upon to have an established ‘fortress of faith’ in God’s ability to provide for your needs and show you His will for your lives.
Another aspect of growing together is in the ‘responsibilities’ that God has given to the husband and wife. But before we get into the ‘meat and taters’ of this study, I need to have you open your Bible to the book of Ephesians and read (at least) chapters 4 and 5 so you will have a good idea of what the proper ‘content’ is in these chapters. If you can, it would be better if you would read Ephesians completely, but be sure to read at least chapters 4&5 completely. Go ahead and read it and I’ll be right here waiting for you. It’s okay, take your time, I’m not going
anywhere.
<figure class=) <div class=) <div class=) <div class=) <img class=) </div> </div> <div class=)
…
…
…
Ah good, your back!
Without a proper understanding of what Paul is writing about in these chapters; any discussion about the ‘responsibilities’ of a wife to her husband, can quickly become distorted. Here are a few of the passages that show us the Apostles purpose in writing this letter.
…entreat you to walk in a manner worthy of the calling with which you have been called, with all humility and gentleness, with patience, showing forbearance to one another in love … preserve the unity of the Spirit in the bond of peace. …one body and one Spirit, …one Lord, one faith, one baptism, v6. one God and Father of all who is over all and through all and in all. …And He gave some as apostles, …as prophets, …as evangelists, …as pastors and teachers, for the equipping of the saints for the work of service, to building up of the body of Christ; …but speaking the truth in love, we are to grow up in all aspects into Him, who is the head, even Christ, from whom the whole body, being fitted and held together by that which every joint supplies, according to the proper working of each individual part, causes the growth of the body for the building up of itself in love.
-Ephesians 4:1-16 [excerpts]
Therefore, be imitators of God, …and walk in love, just as Christ also loved you, …But do not let immorality or any impurity or greed even be named among you, as is proper among saints; …but now you are light in the Lord; walk as children of light. trying to learn what is pleasing to the Lord. (v.15) Therefore be careful how you walk, not as unwise men, but as wise, making the most of your time, because the days are evil. …,but understand what the will of the Lord is. …, but be filled with the Spirit …speaking to one another in psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, singing and making melody with your heart to the Lord; always giving thanks for all things in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ to God the Father; and being subject to one another in the fear of Christ. Wives, be subject to your own husbands, as to the Lord. For the husband is the *head of the wife, as Christ also is the *head of the church, He Himself being the Savior of the body. But as the church is subject to Christ, so also wives ought to be to their husbands in everything.
-Ephesians 5:1-24[excerpts]
Paul’s letter to the Ephesians is primarily concerned with the unity of the Spirit within the body of believers in Christ, and “…to walk in a manner worthy of the calling with which you have been called.” This teaching can be found throughout Ephesians and should not be separated from any discussion concerning the relationship between a husband and wife. They should walk together toward Christ!
The word ‘head’ sends the wrong message and meaning in this passage. We understand ‘the head’ to mean the ‘ruler or boss’. This is completely wrong in this case. When Paul wrote Ephesians in 65 A.D. he used the word ‘ophelimos’ which means ‘benefit’. The word is said to have been used as a wrestling term, as the head was the foremost portion of the body exposed to damage. The seat of intellect, which we now know as the ‘head’, would have been referred to as the kidneys! In the first century this meant that the husband was to be a solid, foundational, truthful, and consistent ‘rock’ that our wife could hang on to. Because of transliteration problems and changes in how we understand certain words, this particular word (head) has been badly distorted over time.
In one of our Bibles I wrote a date at the bottom of a passage of scripture, Jan. 10, 1972 and initialed it. I gave this Bible to my fianceé on her birthday. We were married in the summer of 1974. The passage of scripture was;
Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself up for her; that He might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, that He might present to Himself the church in all her glory, having no spot or wrinkle or any such thing; but that she should be holy and blameless. So husbands ought also to love their own wives as their own bodies. He who loves his own wife loves himself; for no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ also does the church, because we are members of His body. For this cause a man shall leave his father and mother, and shall cleave to his wife; and the two shall become one flesh.
-Ephesians 5: 25-31, NASB
Examine the passage above carefully and take note of the parallels between what Christ has done for the church and how a husband is supposed to care for his wife. What Christ did for the church is a pattern that shows the ‘responsibility’ that a husband has before God, in the care and love for his wife. Also, the pattern above shows that a husband has been called to be a leader in the ‘Kingdom of God’ sense; that is, a servant that lays down his life. A servant that gives up his rights, ambitions, comforts and desires to serve. In so doing, he and his wife are brought closer to Christ.
As you look at the responsibilities of the husband and wife, they might seem rather simple. However, they are not! In our world today staying true to a course that will lead you and your wife closer to Christ requires a dedication to walking with God each and every day, one step at a time. The world and Satan want to ‘blow you off course’ and destroy your relationship with God and Christ along with your wife and family. Husbands and wives, stay the course! Keep Christ first. Love each other as Christ loves the church. Wives, submit yourselves to your own husband. By practicing these ‘responsibilities’, the unity of the family and the unity of the body of Christ will be accomplished through our Lord Jesus Christ.
-Dan Conley, 2008