The Pa Letters, Chapter 4: Forgiveness

The Pa Letters, Chapter 4: Forgiveness

The Pick, The Shovel, The Wedge, and The Way of Escape

Because you have made a firm decision to be joined together as husband and wife; and to do so with a ‘mindset’ that (is) will be honoring to God, it becomes my duty and responsibility to warn you that you will be attacked. These attacks may come at any time before or after you are married and will continue sporadically until Christ returns.

The enemy; that old dragon called Satan, will use no less than three of his most ruthless, loveless, subtle and disgusting weapons within his arsenal of sin. These are; The Pick, The Shovel and The Wedge.

“Be of sober spirit, be on the alert. Your adversary, the devil, prowls about like a roaring lion, seeking someone to devour. But resist him, firm in your faith, knowing that the same experiences of suffering are being accomplished by your brethren who are in the world.”   -I Peter 5:8&9 NASB

• THIS IS TO BE CONSIDERED A SPIRITUAL WAR WARNING! -

Satan can strike at any time and at any target. One of his prime targets is the marriage of those who believe in Christ. Because Satan is totally against God and he knows that he is doomed to be cast into the Lake of Fire, (see: Rev. 20: 1-10) he is doing all he can to destroy the institution of marriage that God ordained at the time of creation. (see: Gen. chapters 1&2)

His attack is often subtle at first and employs the use of the ‘Pick’. This device is used by causing the husband or wife to become aware of flaws in their mate that they had somehow missed before they got married. As they pick at this first flaw they become aware of other flaws. At first, these flaws may be ignored and put aside, but as time passes the flaws become more obvious and grow into an offense which must be dealt with. This choice to be offended deepens the stroke of Satan’s Pick. If this offense is not dealt with properly, it will leave a sore spot where Satan can make more trouble between husband and wife.

With a crack now made in the marriage, Satan may bring in other little irritants to make the crack wider. When he has caused the couple to pile up their own piles of flaws and offenses Satan sets aside his pick and digs in with the shovel. He gives one to each person involved and sometimes enlists outside help from willing friends and eager in-laws. Especially those who have seen all this before and swear that they have the solution to your spouses problem. (All you have to do is…..)

Now that the dirt is flying everywhere, Satan pulls out his most dangerous weapon, The Wedge! In the midst of the flying dirt and bad advice, he forcibly jams his wedge in the crack made by the pick and enlarged by the devilish deeds of the shovels of bad counsel. But this wedge is no ordinary weapon! It is made from a hardened heart. If left in place, the marriage will die, ending in a relationship of
bitterness, disappointment and anger…or divorce. Satan will have accomplished his mission and turned a beautiful relationship into pain.

But! It doesn’t have to be this way. There is The Way of Escape:

And some Pharisees came up to Him, testing Him, and began to question Him whether it was lawful for a man to divorce his wife. And He answered and said to them, ‘What did Moses command you?’ And they said, ‘Moses permitted a man to write a certificate of divorce and send her away.’ But Jesus said to them, ‘Because of your hardness of heart he wrote this commandment. But from the beginning, God made them male and female. For this cause a man shall leave his father and mother, and the two shall become one flesh; consequently they are no longer two, but one flesh. What therefore God has joined together, let no man separate’.   -Mark 10:2-9

The Way of Escape is to learn to forgive your spouse. You may not like reading this, but your spouse is a sinner: Just like you! He or she needs to be forgiven. Not just once or twice, but probably every day or sooner, …maybe even now? Think about it. If we would stop picking at our husband or wife and choose not to be offended, Satan’s tools will be less effective.

(From the chapter ‘The art of Communicating’)

1. “Choose not to be offended” Our world today is actively seeking for things by which they can be offended. If you are looking for an offense or an opportunity to be offended; you will find it!

Being offended or not is a choice. This is similar to ‘reacting’ vs. ‘responding’ to a situation or comment. The first is sometimes called a ‘knee jerk’ reaction; while the other is more thoughtful.

Choose not to be offended. It is in line with ‘Looking for God’s best’, for your spouse. If there is something that needs to be ironed out, then take care of it properly before God.

When problems do arise, by all means deal with them promptly, properly and with love and concern. Never allow them to linger long enough where they become an offense. No offense, no shovel!

If you do find yourselves ‘digging’ at each other all the time, put into practise a very old and wise piece of advise; “If you find yourself in a deep hole and can’t dig your way out,…put the shovel down!” This goes for real holes and spiritual one too! Put your shovels down! If you’re looking for dirt about anybody, you will find it. Instead, look for God’s best for your spouse and pray for His cleansing blood to wash us all clean.

(From the chapter ‘The art of Communicating’)

1. “Look for God’s best for others.” This is one of the definitions of ‘agape’ (love) that I happen to like the best. When you are looking for Gods’ best for your spouse, you have to let go of what you want and what your spouse may want. You need to ask God what is best for you both. It’s not about ‘me’, it’s about what God wants for you both.

There are at least three important levels that should always be including in the forgiving process. First, between you and God. Confess your sin to Him and ask for His forgiveness. He will forgive you.

Second, ask forgiveness from the person who has been hurt or wrongly offended. Do this prayerfully, gently and with God’s love.

Finally, forgive yourself. Yes you. I know from experience that forgiving myself is the hardest thing for me to do. Why? Because I don’t deserve it. But God has forgiven me, therefore I must forgive myself as best I can, and thank God for it.

“Be of sober spirit, be on the alert. Your adversary, the devil, prowls about like a roaring lion, seeking someone to devour. But resist him, firm in your faith, knowing that the same experiences of suffering are being accomplished by your brethren who are in the world.”

-I Peter 5:8-9

Dear Lord God and Heavenly Father, melt our hardened hearts of sin, offense, and selfishness. Help us to seek Your Love for our husband or wife and not the so called wealth of this world. Put within us a heart of forgiveness that can overcome all the weapons of Satan’s evil work. Unleash the power of Your forgiveness for this lost world as You help us forgive those around us. Protect our marriages from the one who wants to destroy them. In the Power, Glory, and Majesty of our Lord Jesus Christ.
Amen.

-Dan Conley, 2008