#
…and God said to Moses,…(10) …,come now, and I will send you to Pharaoh, so that you may bring My people, the sons of Israel, out of Egypt.
(11) But Moses said to God, “Who am I, that I should go to Pharaoh,…”
(12)…and He (God) said, certainly I will be with you,…
(13)…Then Moses said to God, “Behold,…Now they may say to me, What is His name? What shall I say to them?”
(14) And God said to Moses, “I AM WHO I AM”;…I AM has sent me to you.
(4:1) Then Moses answered and said, “What if they will not believe me, or…,”
(10) Then Moses said to the Lord, “Please, Lord, I have never been eloquent, …for I am slow of speech and slow of tongue.”
(v11) And the Lord said to him, “Who has made man’s tongue?…”
(v13) But he (Moses) said, “Please, Lord, now send the message by whomever Thou wilt.” (but not me)
(v14) Then the anger of the Lord burned against Moses, and… -Exodus 3:1 4:18, excerpts
(Be sure to read the above passage from beginning to end. There is a great deal I have left out.)
If you think that ‘one on one’ communications are easy …think again! Even God had trouble getting His point across to Moses. Therefore, our chances of having trouble in communicating is about 100%, give or take zero. (by the way, I thought you might want to know that Moses was the real problem, not God.) The subject of communications is massive and covers a multitude of methods of communicating which include verbal, nonverbal, written, tactile communication, public speaking, persuasion, music, argumentation and debate, oral interpretation, group discussion and process, speech criticism, rhetorical criticism, preaching, apologetics, hermeneutics and much more. For the purpose of this study we will only be looking at ‘bits and pieces’ of communicating that relate to having a healthy style of conversation between husband and wife and possibly others within their circle of influence. Probably the best definition of communication I have heard is this:
“Successful communication is the process of guiding your important ideas around the roadblocks in the other person’s mind”
The Exodus passage above is a perfect example of this process. God is faced with the problem of getting Moses to go back to Egypt so He can bring His people out of Egypt and back to the promise land. Moses, however, has no less than five reasons, excuses, or ‘what if? worm holes’, that are blocking God’s command. To the point that; “…the anger of the Lord burned against Moses,…” (v14) Moses came within a
hairs breath of becoming ‘toast’!
So, what does all this have to do with us? Well, first of all, communicating is not easy, it takes a lot of hard work on our part to make it all come together. Every man, woman and child has their own experiences, schooling, likes and dislikes, cultural background, occupational orientation, religious background and more, that shape the way they think and communicate. These areas are often referred to as a ‘frame of reference’, from which a person filters and then builds their viewpoint on life, as they see it. These constitute a small portion of the ‘roadblocks’ you must carefully guide your important ideas around–in the other persons’ mind. What God was doing with Moses was exactly the same process, and even He got a bit ‘ticked’ at Moses’ excuses.
I can almost hear you saying to yourself; “So …, how are we suppose to figure out what ‘roadblock’ a person has and what ‘mental street’ is it blocking?”. Good question, I’m glad you asked! The answer is that you need to use the most important part of the communication process defined as “listening to the point of understanding”. This is the only way to discover what the ‘roadblocks’ are in another persons’ mind. This should constitute about 80% of your communicating efforts.
“I know you believe you understand what you think I said but I am not sure you realize that what you heard is not what I meant.” -Unknown
The above quote was given to me on a wooden plaque by my wife before we were married. It is a fairly accurate, but sad, description of how most people listen. It is not uncommon for us to mentally ‘filter’ what someone says to us through our own set of ‘roadblocks’ and come out with the wrong message. What we should be doing is; asking polite questions to the person speaking that will help clarify words or statements that we are not hearing correctly or are unclear in the context they are
being used. It is important to ask these questions in such a way that they are for clarification and not an accusation toward the person speaking.
For example, if there is a word or phrase that is unclear, you should ask something like; “…can you explain what you mean by (whatever the word is)?”. Or, “…I didn’t quite get that part about…”. These are legitimate questions for clarification. However, if you start your question by saying; “…Are you trying to say that…(and then add your own idea as to what was said)”; you have slipped into ‘interpreting’ what the person has said, instead of a question of clarification. This may seem like splitting a hair, but if you don’t know what the person means in the first place, how can you attempt to tell them what they are trying to say? The purpose of asking sound questions is to understand what the person really means, not what you think they are trying to say.
If you want to see this process in action with all its ugliness, tune into one of the political News Briefs and pay close attention to the questions the news people ask. (take two aspirin and check with your doctor before attempting this exercise!) Now, take another look at the Exodus passage and then answer these questions. Did Moses ‘listen to the point of understanding’, when God was speaking to him? If he did, then why was he resisting God’s will and what were some of the roadblocks in Moses’ mind? If he didn’t listen properly, what was it that he should have recognized in this conversation if anything? (I’ll give you my thoughts on it a little later)
Meanwhile, here’s a few communication tidbits that might help improve your conversation skills:
“Never miss a good chance to shut up.”
It’s surprising how many people can talk so much and say so little. Also, be careful what you say, for the fool is known by his ‘much talking’.
“Give me ambiguity or give me something else.”
If you don’t know what you’re talking about, apply #1 above. Or, be sure of what you want to say before you attempt to say anything.
Keep Christ first in how you speak to your spouse and others. Using the kind of communication that is often shown in T.V. sitcoms is often rude, selfish, sarcastic, unkind, offensive and more. Most of all, it does not honor God or your spouse.
“Look for God’s best for others.”
This is one of the definitions of ‘agape’ (love) that I happen to like the best. When you are looking for Gods’ best for your spouse, you have to let go of what you want and what your spouse may want. You need to ask God what is best for you both. It’s not about ‘me’, it’s about what God wants for you both.
“Choose not to be offended”
Our world today is actively seeking for things by which they can be offended. If you are looking for an offense or an opportunity to be offended; you will find it! Being
offended or not is a choice. This is similar to ‘reacting’ vs. ‘responding’ to a situation or comment. The first is sometimes called a ‘knee jerk’ reaction; while the other is more thoughtful. Choose not to be offended. It is in line with ‘Looking for God’s best’, for your spouse. If there is something that needs to be ironed out, then take care of it properly before God.
Before I completely forget it! How did you do with evaluating Moses’ listening skills? I think it is safe to say that Moses may have listened to God, but he definitely filtered everything through his own mental roadblocks. One of the more important things that Moses failed to recognize and accept; was the authority of the one speaking to him. The Great “I Am Who I Am”. Moses continues to argue with God even after God tells him who He is. There is a great deal more that could be added to this study. However, our purpose here is to help people develop a healthy style of conversation between husband and wife and others within their circle of influence. What has been presented here applies to every day conversations in the home, work, school or any place you use words to convey ideas of any kind. May your words be honoring to our Lord Jesus Christ and a sweet fragrance in your home.
-Dan Conley, 2008