Introduction
The ‘Pa Letters’ (as my family calls them) are a series of letters I wrote to my son and his fiancee, as premarital counselling, one every month for the six months before their wedding. They are Biblical based concepts that are critical for those believers in Christ who want to maintain a God centered marriage and family. It is my hope and prayer that you find The ‘Pa Letters’ a help and encouragement. Sincerely in Christ,
-Dan Conley, aka ‘Pa’ 2008
These letters from my dad are dear to me, and I hope that they can give encouragement and instruction to anyone who stumbles here. I’ve edited them a little for spelling and format, and I still hear his voice when I read the words he wrote. There turned out to be more than 6, but that’s ok. I’ve decided to publish a new one every week until Christmas 2020, as a gift to my dear friend and brother, Cody, who is getting married soon.
-Jeremy “Fuzzy” Conley
Promises
Guard your steps as you go to the house of God, and draw near to listen rather than to offer the sacrifice of fools; for they do not know they are doing evil. Do not be hasty in word or impulsive in thought to bring up a matter in the presence of God. For God is in heaven and you are on earth; therefore let your words be few. For the dream comes through much effort, and the voice of a fool through many words. When you make a vow to God, do not be late in paying it, for He takes no delight in fools. Pay what you vow! It is better that you should not vow than that you should vow and not pay. Do not let your speech cause you to sin and do not say in the presence of the messenger of God that it was a mistake. Why should God be angry on account of your voice and destroy the work of your hands? -ECC 5:1-6, NASB
A ‘vow’, a ‘promise’; they are the same. When a man and woman promise themselves to each other as husband and wife; the promise is made before God even if they do not believe He is real! The reason this is true is because marriage was created, blessed and ordained by God. (see Gen 2:20-25) It is important to understand that ‘breaking’, or trying to ‘back out’ of our promises to God will bring about severe consequences. God will; “…destroy the work of your hands.” This can be easily verified by simply recalling what has happened to people you know (or have heard of) that have gone through a divorce. Whatever they had worked to obtain, is destroyed in the process of tearing apart the marriage they had promised God they would keep; ‘…until death do we part’.
This brings us to another word that has gotten lost in our current understanding of love and marriage, and that is ‘commitment’. It is easy to be ‘in love’ when everything is going along fine and the emotions associated with love are evident; but when that road gets a bit bumpy and those ‘feelings of love’ are not as it use to be; it is your commitment (promise, vow) that will bring you through. Love is not just a feeling, it is a ‘mind set’. In other words, don’t let your love be controlled by the situations around you, or how you feel, because they will change constantly. (Sometimes even by what you ate or didn’t eat for breakfast!) The stability of any marriage depends on both husband and wife keeping their focus on Christ and practicing ‘agape’ love (Looking for God’s best for each other.) in every aspect of their relationship. Love is a commitment, a promise, a vow, not just a feeling!
I have a little assignment for you: Read the book of Ecclesiastes several times in the next few weeks. I know this sounds a little odd, but the reason for this is to remind you of how futile this world is without God and Christ in control of your lives. Also, there are several positive things in the midst of the ‘vanity’ and ‘chasing after the wind’ that I want you to find. Do this together and be nice to each other and no fighting!
-Dan Conley, 2008